Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
