her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
