rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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