Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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