Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize