you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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