I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
