I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
