hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
