Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
