wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
