A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
