standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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