Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
