You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
