I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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