About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
