Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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