i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
