my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize