doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Your dad touched me again.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
