dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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