Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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