Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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