there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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