At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
