my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just high enough for therapy.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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