They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
