just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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