just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
