U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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