in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
