so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
