Betty ford says i'm here all night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
