is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ok first of all what the fuck
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
