if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
