When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
