Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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