I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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