When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize