I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We need a shit load of segways right now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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