yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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