pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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