I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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