I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
