we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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