I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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