1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
