I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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