sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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