capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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