remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
