I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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