hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
