drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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