he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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