Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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