a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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